The Winter Funk

As I sit here in the dark with the TV on for background noise, my thoughts are scattered. The dogs are curled up beside me, and the covers are piled on so high I can barely move from the weight. Two fans blow and the sound of the heater is a low rumbling roar. I have things to do, things that need to be done, and yet I cannot find the energy or the will to do them. I’ve got that winter time funk and can’t seem to shake it, though I did manage to get some work done–and some is far better than none. Was it enough? Not by far, but I do what I can, when I can.

I’m tired. So so tired. No matter how much I sleep, it just doesn’t seem enough. I know, this funk will eventually pass, but in the meantime, it’s the pits. It seems a vicious cycle. Each contributing factor making the other worse. There are times when it feels as though it’ll never end. There are times when you pray for it to stop.

Okay, I’m rambling and probably not making a lick of sense to anyone. I just needed to get it out. A blog probably isn’t the best place for it, but I know I can’t be the only person out there that feels like this. I sit, I stare, and sadly my mind doesn’t always work as it normally does. I can always get lost in thought–or rather I could always get lost in thought until recently. I would blame getting old for the majority of my issues, but truth be told, I’m not that old–yet. Unlucky? Perhaps. It’s the hand life dealt me…some times are better than others. This is one of those bad times. Doesn’t it always seem darkest just before the dawn? With luck, dawn will soon arrive because I’m getting rather annoyed at all the darkness.

Chin up. Whenever it does decide to end, the “down” time will be all the sweeter.

Heather

The Ick Factor

Work piles up. Ideas are stalled. Nothing goes as it should and seems to be on autopilot.

I hate this time of year, and this year seems to be extra bad. I cannot shake the icks. I guess it’s finally time to face the fact that my immune system SUCKS. My luck would be nonexistent if it wasn’t for the overwhelming amount of bad luck I seem to possess.

What’s this all about? I’m sick. I’m hurting. And I’m whiny. Bad combination, I know. As if being ill isn’t enough, yesterday I pulled a muscle in my left shoulder…which in turn pinched a nerve and due to other health issues, I’m riding solo on this one. No pain killers. Can we say OW! In time, it shall pass…but until then, I’d like to just plain pass out and forget all of this. I have work to do, that isn’t getting done, and I’m so tired it’s beyond words. So, that’s why I’ve not been blogging much lately. I just don’t feel up to it.

What does this mean? Well, since I’ll probably be sick into the new year…yes, for that long, really. This means my responses to email may be a bit slow, since I’ve not been checking it as obsessively as I usually do. It means writing is at a snail’s crawl–whenever I feel like actually pounding out some words, and then it’s a hit or miss on if it even makes sense outside my befuddled little mind right now. Right now, I’m more focused on continuing to breath–which can be quite laborious at times. Hopefully, it will decide to move on to its next victim sooner rather than later, because this ick has already overstayed its welcome.

So, happy healing thoughts. I think I could use them. I’ll be back to blogging as soon as I can. The mind must clear a bit first…and some projects that are on hold must be completed ASAP. My husband said if my health was better, I’d get a whole lot more done. Well duh! Of course I would. There are so many characters in my head just screaming to get out. Life sucks…but I shall survive and look out world when I do, because I plan to get a lot of things finished up that have been put on hold for far too long.

Take care…

the rambling author,

Heather

Frustrated

Hell of a start to the week. What do you do with a screaming five year old? Well, almost six year old? Sent home from school, hubby picked him up on his lunch break, and he’s now in his room, in his bed, screaming the top of his head off. It’s infuriating and frustrating and there’s pretty much NOTHING I can do, except try to ignore it. Operative word there being try. But I am sticking to my guns. No toys and no TV…just him in bed for the rest of the day because that’s how I was told to handle the situation.

However, this means my plans to work on something today is totally shot. Cannot get in the “romance writing zone” with a screaming child in house. I have no idea how I will ever survive the summer when it gets here, since I’m not used to him being here through the day. It will take some major adjustment on my part.

Why is he screaming? Well, ain’t that the question of the hour? My youngest is a severe ADHD case…medication required every day just to be able to tolerate him. He’s also got several other problems that no one seems to be able to pinpoint just yet. If he had been my first–he’d have been my one and only, that is for sure.

Don’t get me wrong. He has such potential and can be the sweetest kid you’ve ever seen…but in the blink of an eye, the demon comes out and he’s hell on two legs. He’s very smart–very, very smart, but he’s a lot of brainpower trapped in a little body that has major trouble communicating, which leads to frustration, which leads to the aforementioned screaming fits. It can get quite embarrassing to take him out in public, as we learned last Friday when he threw the mother of all fits in the middle of a store. Just another reason I opt not to go out in public most days.

So, what’s a mother to do? I’m frustrated beyond belief, as I’m sure he probably is as well. Yes, he has some wonderful therapists working with him, but I still don’t know what to do with him most times. He’s an enigma we haven’t even scratched the surface on figuring out yet. We do timers and rewards for good behavior. We do major time outs when necessary and lectures. At the moment, it seems to be a battle of the wills. His is strong, but by golly, mine is much stronger. I love my son, immensely, but boy does he ever get on my nerves. There just seems to be a lot more questions than answers at this point, and as I previously stated, I’m frustrated…I’m tired. He’s a full time job when he’s here. But what’s so bad is that I KNOW he can be a good kid…but since school started, OY!

Okay, so that had very little if anything to do with writing, but it’s where I stand today. It feels like I’m beating my head against the wall at times. It causes pain and isn’t good for much else. I feel lost and helpless at times. Caught in the middle of a swirling vortex of confusion and frustration. Will it ever end? Probably not, but I can at least hope that it’ll get better.

Silence is golden…so what’s the absence of it considered?

Heather